Today I read You just broke your child. Congratulations.
It made me cry.
Please, please read it today, especially if you’re a parent. In fact, if you only have time to read one blog post today, skip this one and just follow the link above. It’s important. And today I’m going to support his message with a similar one of my own.
Dan’s article above was prompted by the sight of a man breaking down his son emotionally while they were out shopping. Here’s the quote that stood out to me the most: “How could this man not cherish the only time he’ll ever have to be everything to this boy? To be the person that matters most to this boy?”
Here at ItStartsWith.Us we talk a lot about focusing your attention on the places where you can exert the smallest effort to make the biggest impact. You know what? I just wrote a sentence about how strongly that applies in the parent/child relationship, but then I deleted it. I don’t want to take you through the logical argument for why that’s the case. I know you get it.
Instead, I just want to tell you about my best friends. I have three of them: The Boy, The Girl, and The Kid. This is us, sitting underwater at the California Science Center in Los Angeles. We where there a couple weeks ago for The Boy’s birthday.
I love my kids more than anything else in this world. My life is worth nothing compared to theirs, and I would give it up for them in a heartbeat. So many times in their short lives I’ve prayed that the pain they were bearing could somehow be taken off of them and put onto me instead. If you’re the parent of a child who’s gone through some difficulties, you know exactly what I mean. If you’re not, you will when the time comes.
Sometimes as parents we can get overwhelmed by the enormity of the task in front of us – the task of raising up these little lives from birth until adulthood, keeping them safe, giving them knowledge, developing their spirits, and everything else that goes along with parenthood. It’s such a huge responsibility. But it’s also the biggest opportunity you will ever have. Dan’s right – at no other time in your existence will you have the chance to be absolutely the most influential person in a rapidly growing life. The things you say and do with that child during those first few years will reverberate for a lifetime. The results of your actions will echo for decades to come and impact people you never knew existed. Think about that for a minute. Heavy, I know.
But then think about this: everything is already set up for you to be the best thing in their lives. You feed them. You clothe them. You take care of them. When they need anything, they look to you. You’re already right there, doing all the work. And it’s hard, I know. It’s so hard. It’s exhausting taking care of everything and everyone nonstop. I get it. I’ve been so guilty of frustration, anxiety, irritation, and all the rest. We all have our shortcomings to deal with. But at the end of the day, when you’re tucking them into bed, and you tell them a story or say prayers or whatever your nighttime routine is, you have the opportunity to transform their lives. And I am not saying this lightly – it’s the truth. You can use those few minutes to block out the rest of the world and focus all your attention on the little person in front of you. Make that time the best part of the day for both of you. Give them peace and rest and love before they go to sleep every night. Get on your knees beside them. Hold their hand. Kiss their cheek. Lay beside them. Give them a hug. Whatever it takes, find a way to get down on their level and let them know that you are right there with them, no matter what, with all the love you have to give, forever and for always.
Here’s how I make this real to my kids in a way they can understand: I tell each one, individually, privately, when it’s just us, that they are my best friend. And I mean it. Right now, as I write this at 3:35am, constantly working to make a difference with this project, I can think back on all that I’ve accomplished on a personal level with ItStartsWith.Us over the past year, and I tell you 100% truthfully that it pales in comparison to the difference I know I’ve made in the life of my little girl when I look at her and tell her that she is my best friend in the entire world, and I would rather be here with her at this moment than with anyone else on the planet. The smile on her face and the happiness in her eyes radiate a comfort and peace and joy that eclipse anything else I’ve ever done in my life. For in that moment I get to demonstrate true faith, hope and love to a child who desperately needs to hold onto those anchors in a big and scary world.
You are the only one who can give your child this gift. If you don’t do it, no one else will be able to. I’m asking you to spend just five minutes a night with each child. Five minutes where you erase all the bad things that happened during the day, all your fear and frustration and anger and weariness, all memory of whatever they did that wasn’t up to par. Forgive them and forgive yourself for not being perfect, and just love them. Give them a safe place to rest every night. Give them peaceful dreams and a calm spirit. Be their best friend. You can do it. You’re the only one who can. The impact of those five minutes a day will change your child’s life, and the lives of the thousands upon thousands of people that they will touch. It starts with you. It starts with us.
Use the comments below to tell us who your best friends are and how much you love them, okay? I’d love to hear some happy things today. 
